Synesthesia
by idontwantthisaccountanymore
Summary: Sometimes watching your best friend love another man can be the hardest thing you will ever do. But not as hard as knowing your best friend loves you and being unable to act upon it. Multiple POV's.
1. Shattered Glass

(A/N: This is my first fic that I have ever written so please tell me what you think and review. Be honest, but avoid any serious flames, especially if it's over pairings. I also will warn you my story is written in a very dark and obscure manner, so you have been forewarned.)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned.

Chapter 1- Shattered Glass

(Written in P.O.V. of Greg Sanders)

It pains me how my obsession grows each day I'm around her, it builds momentum with each smile, laugh or demonstration of sheer intelligence.

She is perfect in every way to me. To many she is cold and aggressive, but I know her true spirit beneath the tough exterior.

She's been called things such as enigma, bitch, and brilliant. I don't understand why she is known as a bitch because she is actually loyal and kind hearted if they just got to know her. People can be so cruel it seems, passing judgment on a person the moment they see them. I think it makes her more amazing, the fact that she can hide her true personality and sense of humor at work. She is always so level headed and professional, I envy her while trying to emulate her brilliance at the same time. Whatever you want to call her, she'll always be _Sara Sidle_.

Over the years I had grown-up from an annoying pestering lab technician who harbored a school-boy crush to a real forensic analyst who had fallen in **love** with my best friend. The only problem is she doesn't realize I love her. She thinks my infatuation dissolved as years went by. She never took it seriously though, brushing my feelings away not realizing my obsession was growing daily.

I want to spend as much time with her as possible, even though we are always paired together so she can mentor me. I think of excuses to go to dinner and have serious conversations with her, hoping to disprove the theory that I'm immature and shallow. I try to learn more about her, to see into her broken soul, but when I finally see the true Sara my love has doubled.

My obsession is a never ending vicious cycle, I will always want her, but never act upon it for fear of breaking the friendship. I tell myself this thought process of mine is in her best interest, but I know it's all for me and my selfish ways. If our friendship ends I won't see Sara anymore. True, I will see her everyday, but never her true shining personality I crave to release. We'll never have the same amazing conversations over coffee or movies and take-out at her house, with my arm protectively wrapped around her small-frame to protect her from the unrealistic evil monster she is convinced will come knocking on her door if she watches a horror movie. Not that I mind or anything, I mean it is my arm wrapped around her. I am too selfish to admit my love to her; which is funny because I seem to always contradict myself when I think or talk about her.

I seem to be thinking about her every moment I can. I almost feel guilty when I talk to a fellow colleague and I'm secretly thinking, "I wish Sara was here."

Even if I did admit my love to Sara, it would never work. She doesn't believe in inter-office relationships, she cares far too much about work. I wish I were more like her, she is completely selfless.

I also have a growing suspicion she is seeing someone. She seems to have less and less free-time as the cruel autumn days string by me. I can also sense her new found guilt whenever we have discussions or simply enjoy each others company. I had never seen that look when we were together until a couple of months ago. There was also one day that makes me gag just to think of it. We had met about a week ago on a Sunday morning for coffee and a walk, just as we always do, and she was late. Sara Sidle was late! That never happens. That wasn't the action that disturbed me or sparked my suspicions further, when she let out a laugh and released all tension in her neck, throwing it back gracefully making her scarf shift a bit and revealing what I swear was a hickey.

I shuddered as soon as I saw the mark. It was taunting me with its obscure shape and fierce color. I immediately shifted my gaze to the path that was decorated with hues of red and orange. I didn't want Sara to become humiliated by the mark left by her mysterious lover so I never mentioned it again or asked if she was seeing anyone. I didn't want her mad at me because **I****need her**.

I realize this obsession is becoming unhealthy, so I know what I need to do. I am going to proclaim my love to Miss Sara Sidle, my Sara and hope the feeling is mutual.

I courageously snatch up the two mugs of coffee and stroll towards the locker room, knowing Sara is always here 45 minutes early which will give us plenty of time to discuss _us_. I know work isn't the ideal place to do this, but since she leaves no more free-time available to me, I'll hopefully get her to take a walk over coffee, like we always do.

As I approach the locker room my heart begins to beat more rapidly and I feel the butterflies in my stomach multiplying. I open the door and am hit with her scent, I know she is in here, but wait….this scent is beginning to be overpowered by a man's cologne. Wait, I recognize this scent! It smells like-

And my hypothesis on who is wearing the cologne becomes a harsh reality as I drop my mugs on the ground allowing them to shatter in a million pieces with steaming coffee splashing all over. Except I don't notice that, all I notice is the rather passionate embrace of Sara Sidle, my love Sara Sidle, my reason for living, and my other best friend Nick Stokes being broken apart at the sound of shattering glass and the looks of guilt and confusion I receive at my open-mouthed expression plastered on my face.

Well I guess I was wrong when I said she didn't believe in inter-office relationships, she doesn't believe in any relationship with _me_, Greg Sanders.


	2. Another Sidle

Chapter 2- Another Side from Sidle Sara's P.O.V.

I heard the shattering of glass and could smell the strong aroma of premium Hawaiian blend coffee, oh shit! I knew that it was Greg standing there before I jumped out of Nick's arms as fast as possible. I sheepishly glance at Greg and see him staring at Nick and me with an open mouth and extremely wide eyes.

I snuck behind Nick, whose body language was possessively guarding me. I look like a small child hiding behind a father's leg at a social event. I look at the two men and study their expressions, Greg is looking at Nick with a guilt-inducing gaze, no, he's looking through Nick at me. Nick, on the other hand, is completely oblivious and doesn't realize the tension. After what seemed like an eternity I finally broke the silence.

"I-I'm so sorry Greg-gee," Greggy? What the fuck am I thinking! And why the hell did I apologize? God what am I going to say? 'Oh sorry my secret boyfriend's tongue was shoved down my throat, and you walked in on it…AT WORK!'

Well apparently I'm not the only one who though I made an ass of myself because Nick just shot me the biggest 'What the Fuck?' expression my way. Obviously Nick doesn't think I should be apologizing and is extremely confused.

"Hey G-Dawg," How could Nick be so nonchalant about this! And why is he using that ridiculous nickname? Greg Sanders and ghetto terminology DON'T MIX! God, sometimes I just want strangle Nick for being so stupid. Like today, we came in together after we slept, well actually we didn't sleep very much, at my house and he still can't keep it in his fucking pants at work. If Grissom would have walked in instead of Greg I would have been willing to hop into a meat grinder rather than face the wrath of Bug Man. Speaking of Greg, I just realized he's been starring at Nick and I for several minutes now…

"Greg?" My voice came out timid, there was no hiding my guilt. I'm pretty sure Nick finally realized Greg has been keeping a hard gaze on my guilt ridden face because his arm just wrapped around my waist fairly tight. I didn't see him as being the jealous type, he really is pissing me off now.

"Earth to Greggo!" Nick finally spoke a little to forcefully for my taste.

Poor Greg is still just standing there and won't stop staring into me. 

"Ugh yeah…" he finally manage to squeak something out before he quickly rushed out. I knew I had to go talk to him.

As soon as the locker room door slammed shut I turned to Nick, "I need to go find Greg and apologize." I felt so bad for poor Greg, I mean that wasn't exactly the best way to tell him about my relationship with Nick.

Anger and jealousy flashed in Nick's eyes, "Sara, you don't have to apologize. There is nothing wrong with us!"

"Nothing wrong! You were practically devouring me against the lockers AT WORK! What, last night wasn't enough? God! I guess your ex-frat boy nymphomaniac days aren't over!" I immediately regretted what I said as soon as the words left my mouth.

Nick's fists tightened in anger as he stared me in the eyes. I don't think I've ever been afraid of Nick before that moment. "Nymphomaniac? Jesus Sara! What the hell is wrong with you? We've been dating for 6 months now! Don't you think it's time to come clean?"

Unfortunately I knew he was right, but of course it had been my idea to keep "us" a secret. I claimed that I didn't want to be the center of water-cooler gossip, but the truth is there's always been something looming over me, like a fat elephant in the room. I subconsciously thought if we admitted out relationship, it could move further and I know I can't handle that right now.

I still didn't want to lose so I muttered, "We've actually been dating for 3 months."

I know this pushed Nick over the edge because when I attempted to scurry over the broken glass in search of Greg, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his face.

He leaned in and whispered angrily in my ear, "3 months Sar? We've been sleeping together for 6 months. So I don't care what you want to call it."

I yanked myself from his grip and spat back, "It was comfort sex, that's all it was…" I know I was lying to myself and hurt him, but I didn't care at that point.

I stormed out of the locker room without looking back, because if I did, I would have gotten a dose of guilt that I deserved.

My relationship with Nick was complicated…after he was released from the hospital about 6 months ago, just after the accident, I felt awful. I felt guilty that I didn't make an extra effort to spend time with him after Ecklie broke up the team. He was my first friend in Vegas, I could barely get along with anyone else. I felt like it was a duty of mine to make sure he was okay. I know Nick's great at pretending he's fine with everything when he's tearing up inside. I do the same exact thing every time I had to work a case involving rape. I had been hanging out with him and trying to get him to open up about everything. The more I talked to Nick the more I became attracted to him. We had always had an obvious attraction to each other, but never dared act on it.

One night he came over to have dinner and talk, but after a few too many glasses of Merlot things quickly escalated. The next morning after we woke up we talked and decided we both couldn't handle real relationships. We said we wouldn't ever sleep together again, but it seemed like every time we saw each other, all bets were off. After about 3 months of casual sex, Nick decided he was ready and wanted a relationship. The last six month have been amazing, I'm not going to deny it. This is the best and longest relationship I've ever been in. I kind of have always known in the back of my mind that Nick and I would end up dating, we flirted shamelessly for four years and never did anything about it.

That's probably why I feel so guilty. Nick has been nothing but amazing to me during this. That being said, I can't figure out why I know I don't truly love him. I try to convince myself I do, but I know deep down something or someone was in the way. I still can't figure out who that someone is.

I approached the door that led to the ceiling and took a breath. I knew he was up there. He always sits on the roof and plays his guitar when he was stressed. I silently opened the door and walked toward Greg, he was playing his acoustic in a lawn chair he had brought up there a long time ago. I walked up to him and took a seat across from him. He noted my presence and immediately stopped playing. 

"Hey Sar," his voice was soft and timid.

"Greg," I sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Sar, it's okay. I-I mean it's really not any of my business." I could see the sadness in his face and it was tearing me up. Greg has always been so sweet to me.

I cupped Greg's face with my hand and stared into his eyes, "Greg, it is your business, you're my best friend," I could see him shift uncomfortably when I touched his face.

I didn't realize he would be this hurt by the news.

"Sar, it's really okay, I mean-I just-I just don't understand why you didn't tell me earlier. I thought we were best friends…." I could hear the trepidation seething out in his voice and it was only making me more mad at myself.

"Greg," I sighed. "We are best friends, I mean you're the sweetest person I've ever known. We-we didn't tell anyone, Nick didn't even tell Warrick." I searched his eyes for a response and saw a hint of a relieved smile. He simply shook his head and smiled at me.

Greg started to play his worn out acoustic and we simply looked into each others eyes and smiled. This time I feel something different. I can't place it, but it's something unfamiliar, in a good way. My heart skips a beat a little when he smiles with his eyes at me. 

Oh.my.GOD. I love Greg! How could this happen! It snuck up from no where! I'm trying my hardest to not let my shock show as he looks at me.

I don't know--

I quickly avert my gaze to the person who just cleared their throat loudly, obviously for my attention.

Oh.Shit. It's Nick. I knew I heard a twang in that cough. Oh God, he's just standing there staring at Greg and I. This is like some sort of fucked up irony and déjà vu. Except now Nick's in Greg's shoes. 

Oh God, I have some explaining to do… 


End file.
